Rewrite a research paper

As I read through this, I feel really lost at the kinds of mistakes that you are talking about. I think if we started with your swimming story at the beginning, asked a question, then got into the academic part and kept going back to how it fits with your story in the body of the paper, then returned to the major question and how it fits you at the end, the paper would feel much more cohesive. I am interested in the topic, but I get lost in the “hypothetical” stuff. I definitely need more concrete examples, and your life is the most logical way to do that.